Blurred lines

What a week!  We received more information about both of the boys we’re interested in yesterday.  And since then my brain has been swimming.  Everything is blurry.  And I go round and round and round… and so of course I have to write.

I can’t speak for Jean at this point.  It has been a very busy week and we haven’t spent a lot of quality time together in the past few days.  Tonight will probably be the first time we’ll really be able to talk in depth again since we learned this new info.

Yesterday we learned that our home study has been reviewed by the team of the 13 year old.  They think that we would be a very good match for him, and are confident that this could be successful.  They also shared that the family was going to be asked to provide feedback before the end of June, and have asked us to see if we would wait that time.  It’s hard at this point to agree on waiting… not because it’s a long time, but if we wait, and then something else happens, then we’ve lost a lot of time that we could have put into other options.  Once again, our social worker knew just what to do – she told them that we would wait while exploring other options.

Then we learned a bit more about the 16 year old.  Without going into details (this is a public site after all), there are some things to think about.  And of course a 16-almost-17-year-old is MUCH different than a 13-almost-14-year-old!

My mind keeps going back and forth – “so this would be different/easier/harder/more interesting/scary/awesome/overwhelming/sad/insert-other-adjective-here”.  Ha!  And then I will feel like my gut is telling me something, but I can’t explain it or justify it.  Then a few hours later, my gut will say something different.

I feel like this could be compared to deciding to marry someone based on a few paragraphs, maybe a photo, and the information you hear from a source or two.  That’s it.  Making a decision that will affect your life moving forwards on the basics.  And I know we’re not alone in this, countless people have gone through this, and more will… it is just a lot to take in.

And I’m not sure of the HOW of things.  I mean, some people say “Oh I just knew that was the child for us when we read the profile” – I haven’t had that moment.  But maybe I won’t.  And that’s ok.  I think…

BUT I’m still positive.  Overwhelmed, but not negatively so.  More overwhelmed that we are blessed with choice, and information, and the kindness of those in the system… wow!  I have no doubts, no regrets, I know that this was the path we were meant to follow.  And that is HUGE for someone who overthinks and obsesses about things (yes, I just admitted that in public – ha!).  In a weird way, I enjoy thinking about these kids – even if they’re not the ones for us.  I admire them so much!  They have all been through some crazy crap in their short lives, and yet they’re saying “I want a family” AND they’re putting that decision in someone else’s hands.  They have less information than we do!  How brave is that?!?!

So I choose to be thankful, and happy, and blessed.  And I look forward to wading on, and to unblurring the lines a bit.  It will come to us, I know it will.  And who knows – next week might bring more choices.  Just gotta roll with it!  We’ll get there…

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I am water.

Oh how quickly things change!  I choose to view this process as good because it continually challenges me to be patient and to consider an issue or challenge from all angles.  But there are definitely frustrating moments.  You have to be fluid, and able to float around and over obstacles as they come, without becoming too battered in the process.  I am water.  Ha!

We received some news in regards to the child we’ve been interested in for two months, but it definitely wasn’t what we expected.  We found out that extended family and family friends have not been considered/consulted yet for his adoption, and that has to happen before another placement can be considered.  We had to make the decision on whether we wanted to wait for him, explore other options, or the combination of the two.  We went for the combination. That was yesterday.

I should insert here that I am always so incredibly thankful for the gift of our social workers.  They have been, and continue to be, amazing advocates and support for us!  They are realistic, honest, hard-working, and down-to-earth, and we’d be lost without them!

Today we received another call from our social worker.  She had been sitting in her office yesterday when another social worker in the office approached her and asked if we were still looking for a match.  She has a boy here in Kelowna who is looking for a family!  He’s 16.  She told us quite a bit about him, and Jean and I will be talking about him and praying about this option tonight.  With this age, it’s difficult to know if you’ll click until you meet, and it would be more of a mentor relationship as opposed to a parental one.  Yet our hearts are with the kids that will be aging out of the system soon, and this boy definitely falls in that category!  This age is so cool and yet so difficult – there is so much to consider.

As with most families, I think the matching process is the most difficult as there are so many unknowns and so many emotions involved.  You don’t want to be completely factual, you want to imagine these kids, learn about their stories, and get a sense of where they’re coming from and what they’re dealing with – but you can’t be completely invested in each one either.  I think that there is a healthy balance between the two.

As we explore potential matches, and try to keep a strong sense of humanity in a somewhat-clinical process, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  I really do believe that God has the perfect match in mind for us, and I’m sure it will be made so very obvious when the time is right.

Um… what?

First of all, I know everyone is thinking “three posts in June, and it’s only the 8th – um, what?”.  Ha!  That’s because things are starting to roll along quickly, and we don’t want to leave anyone behind!

My last post shared that our home study had been completed, edited, and signed off by the agency.  The big question was what happens next??

Much earlier in our process – before we even began our home study – our Ministry social worker told us about this committee that signed off on all completed home studies.  She joked that since so much of our process has been stalled along the way for one reason or another (all valid), we should expect this committee to choose our home study to audit, just to prepared.  Ha!  We had a good laugh about it.

So when our home study social worker told us that our home study was on its way to the Ministry, I expected that it would still be some time before it was available to read by other guardianship and social workers.

When we spoke to our Ministry social worker yesterday, she shared that she had already seen the home study, and had sent it on to the team of the boy we are interested in!  I think my mouth dropped open a bit!  Such exciting news, my goodness!  She then said that his social worker was going to be in town this week, and it was possible that we could have some news before… wait for it… tomorrow!

To be clear, this wouldn’t mean that the match is guaranteed at this point.  What it could mean is that the child’s team (social workers, guardianship workers, maybe foster parents) agree that this could be a good match and would like to explore it further, as do we.

Then its be our turn for some information.  I’m still a little fuzzy on how things work from here on, but I’m so willing to just flow with it.  I know that sounds funny, but I’m just so totally confident that the match with right child for us (and who we will be the right parents) will just happen – I’m not even worried about the next part!  It will all come together as it should, when the time is right.

But our social worker has mentioned that we might be able to meet his teachers (a bit of a timeline on that one since school ends in a few weeks), and talk to his foster parents in person.  That will be a good start.  And somewhere along the way we’ll get an official proposal package with all the information available about him.  From my understanding, once we sign off on that, then we move on to planning a first meeting, and then a transition schedule.

This could happen soon!  And when I say soon, I mean maybe this year instead of “in the future” as we’ve always thought up until now.  WOW!  I have to admit, I didn’t sleep much last night… Ha!

Watch for more posts in the coming days… we might be shooting for a record number of blog posts this month!  Ha!

Quick Home Study Update

We got a call back from our home study social worker on Friday evening – our home study went through the final quick checks by the agency, and is off to the Ministry!

We couldn’t be happier, this is definitely reason to celebrate!  Hopefully this week we will be able to touch base with our Ministry social worker and find out what happens next.

So exciting, we’re almost there!!!

PS – We have some new subscribers to the blog!  Welcome, and I hope you enjoy reading about our journey in progress 🙂

News! At last!

For those that are thinking “maybe this is the match announcement”, I’ll let you down quickly – not yet.  But it’s coming, I promise, soon…

BUT we do have some awesome news!  OUR HOME STUDY IS COMPLETE!!!  We got it back for final edits earlier this week (and there really weren’t that many edits), and have been approved (as of May 25th) to adopt one or two teenagers!  YAY!!!

We have made our edits, those edits have been incorporated into the document, and now it’s just getting it’s final read by everyone else before being sent to the Ministry.  I’m not sure what the timeline looks like for approval once it reaches the Ministry, but we’re CLOSE and that’s all that matters 🙂

I just want to say… God knew what He was doing when he sent us our home study social worker.  Despite a rough beginning (look back to my first home study post if you’re curious about that), we really connected with her, and the final version of our home study was AMAZING!  I was terrified going into it, and maybe even more so after our first meeting, but it all turned out so well.  The home study is 30 pages, and really represents us and our story.  Our home study social worker really took the time to get to know us, and worked very hard to make sure that she accurately reflected what we shared.  I’m just so impressed and so thankful!!!

In addition to sharing the good news about our home study, there is MORE.  I was asked to write a guest blog for Canada Adopts (an organization that advocates for adoptive families and offers adoption resources and support), and they published it!  You can read it here if you’re interested.  I’ve been asked to write another article as well – this writing stuff gets addicting – ha!

And our social worker is still in discussions with the team of the boy we inquired about.  We are in a bit of a holding pattern as his team is still waiting on our home study before we can move forward.  Then it’ll be a long process of gathering information and everyone making sure that this match will be successful and positive for everyone concerned.  As our social worker once told us, “we want everyone to feel like they’ve won the lottery” – and I LOVED that way of putting it!  Everyone involved should have the confidence moving forward that the match is right – so however long it takes, as long as it’s right that’s all that matters.

Maybe some more news soon??  I’ll keep you posted 🙂